I can tuck mytits in my pants
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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