In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize