Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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