i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize