Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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