There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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