Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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