Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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