Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize