Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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