You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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