So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize