a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
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he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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