just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize