we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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