Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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