turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize