Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
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I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
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Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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