I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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