the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
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I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
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We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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