Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize