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i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
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