Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
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I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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