I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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