So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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