my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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