Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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