we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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