; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My balls are so social today.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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