did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize