I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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