Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
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dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
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I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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