Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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