Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize