1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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