She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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