Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
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Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
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I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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