I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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