i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
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So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
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hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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