took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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