i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
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He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
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My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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