Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize