I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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