Texts From Last Night

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  (206): View more from Washington

  Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals

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  (206): Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals http://tfl.nu/cfxk
  Replies (12) Good night (1158) Bad night (432) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.

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  (732): FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket. http://tfl.nu/p1i6
  Replies (29) Good night (6330) Bad night (577) Order T-Shirt
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus

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  (540): I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus http://tfl.nu/qqxc
  Replies (37) Good night (1136) Bad night (3984) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"

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  (315): I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry" http://tfl.nu/cwet
  Replies (39) Good night (7633) Bad night (498) Order T-Shirt
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux

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  (618): the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux http://tfl.nu/x72r
  Replies (13) Good night (7571) Bad night (792) Order T-Shirt
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  (323): View more from California

  I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning

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  (323): I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning http://tfl.nu/dryp
  Replies (22) Good night (5723) Bad night (971) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?

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  (412): seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party? http://tfl.nu/4j0b
  Replies (7) Good night (4163) Bad night (1169) Order T-Shirt
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Not even marginally surprised

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  (765): He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family (812): Not even marginally surprised http://tfl.nu/oyoq
  Replies (8) Good night (3212) Bad night (1861)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms

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  (508): I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms http://tfl.nu/pddu
  Replies (6) Good night (2822) Bad night (743) Order T-Shirt
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....

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  (316): Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips.... http://tfl.nu/9ril
  Replies (3) Good night (1138) Bad night (579) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.

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  (248): Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real. http://tfl.nu/avlt
  Replies (15) Good night (2369) Bad night (468) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV

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  (978): Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV http://tfl.nu/diup
  Replies (0) Good night (629) Bad night (313) Order T-Shirt
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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.

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  (709): Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him. http://tfl.nu/nwj5
  Replies (14) Good night (710) Bad night (276) Order T-Shirt
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  (445): View more from Pennsylvania

  We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing

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  (445): We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing http://tfl.nu/ir7s
  Replies (6) Good night (835) Bad night (278) Order T-Shirt
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  (801): View more from Utah

  You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.

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  (801): You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it. http://tfl.nu/4jnb
  Replies (1) Good night (274) Bad night (92) Order T-Shirt

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