Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
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I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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