dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
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i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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