id be glad to
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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