My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
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I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
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All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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