i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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