my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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