Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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